Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Stringing the Bikini

With just a few weeks to go, this is the time of year when we break into a sprint in our mad dash back to January. No doubt, Father Time will win this race once again. So, I guess its time to throw in the towel and admit defeat. Its official. The deadline for my weighty New Years resolution to shed thirty pounds by this years end has come and gone...and yet it still remains very much unresolved. And to think, 2005 was to be The Year of the Bikini.

Hey, holding out with hope for 12 months is a long time. Most people would have given up much sooner, usually by the first month in. But not me Ill always root for the underdog, even if she is thirty pounds overweight. I consider myself a fighter but unfortunately, this year I just wasnt much of a contender when it came to the heavyweight battle of the bulge.

I had overlooked the amount of actual work it would take to haul my haunches to the gym for a weight-shedding workout. Although, I did manage to watch several Pilates tapes at home in fast-forward while eating a Lean Cuisine okay, ice cream and maybe topped with a little fudge. I suppose that I had grossly miscalculated just how much Id miss munching on handfuls of M&Ms, both plain and peanut, not to mention the more-than-occasional Big Mac.

I guess I had drastically underestimated the tenacious bond between my body fat and me; one that seemed to render us inseparable.

So now, as I do just about every year at this time, Ive come to the conclusion that my ample thighs and doughy middle are joined at the hip like an old married couple. Theyve been together so long they cant seem to remember life without each other, and theyre just too darned tired to even try.

I've come to see that wishful thinking and a wardrobe of black will only take you so far, and that deducting 10 pounds from the scale for a hair scrunchy is ultimately self-defeating. It is also now clear to me that, pound for pound, broken cookies do, in fact, have the same calorie count as those un-crumbled, even when eaten over the sink.

But this end-of-year epiphany about my jiggle wont shake my resolve. Just because this year I didnt feel comfortable hanging out in a string bikini, I shouldnt have to feel completely strung out, like Ive been dangling helplessly from a thread. Theres always hope even when you think that you are at the bitter end of your rope!

Heres the skinny -- Im just a hop, skip and a jump away from making next years resolutions! Im already looking forward to a chance to face new goals with a fresh start. Maybe I should cut myself some slack this time and stop stringing this bikini thingy along. In fact, I may well deem 2006 as The Year of Modestly Cut Black One Piece Maillot, With Full Fanny Coverage & A Tightly-Tied Sarong!

Perhaps the best resolution would be to never underestimate the doggedness of the underdog -- even if she is a little over her fighting weight! Yes, with a resolution like that, this time next year, I shall surely be taking my victory lap!


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